Forgiveness. That one word provokes an assortment of responses from people. Some smile and say that they are forgiven while others drop their heads and tell you how guilty they feel. Some trumpet the freedom that resulted when they forgave a long-time enemy. Others stare and voice the impossibility of forgiving someone who hurt them years ago. If challenged about unforgiveness, they forcefully provide an assortment of reasons as to why they should never forgive the person who betrayed them.

This issue of forgiveness stirs up all sorts of emotions and responses from both churched and the unchurched. Why? Why such a strong response when the benefits of forgiveness outweigh the negatives? Why do people choose bitterness, resentment, medical problems, and broken relationships over peace of mind, healed marriages, and walking closely with God?

The reasons are too numerous for this article but something interesting has happened in the last decade. It used to be that the secular world mocked the notion of forgiveness; it was just religious communities that promoted forgiveness. However, research by secular institutions supports the biblical call to forgive. Sadly, many people, both religious and secular, continue to defend their resentment and nurse their hard hearts. They seem to believe that their situation is different somehow, and that their unforgiveness is understandable. We as humans have this uncanny ability to rationalize our pain as unique and therefore our resentment as excusable. All the while, our relationships suffer as we protect and defend our grudges.

Up until now I’ve been writing mainly about forgiving others but what about being forgiven? Why do so many carry guilt when forgiveness by God and others is available for those who ask? Why do so many choose to live in shame and guilt for years (if not decades) when forgiveness is there for the taking. Why continue to live in torment when freedom is available for all who would come to the well and drink?

Forgiveness can be an extremely confusing and painful topic for many. People don’t understand what forgiveness means, how to give it, and even how to receive it. Our counselors can help clear up the misunderstandings surrounding forgiveness as well as explain how to both give and receive it. However, education is not the goal here—the transformation of the human heart is. The heart is set free when forgiveness is given and accepted. That’s what we’re about here at Redwood Counseling. We want to see lives transformed and hearts set free. Forgiveness is right in the center of that change.

Be forewarned, though. Forgiveness is not for the faint of heart. However, all who walk its path find new life and new hope on the other side. Learning how and choosing to both give and receive forgiveness helps us all to understand the grace that will change your life.