How to Know if You Are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship (And What to Do About It)

You are in an emotionally abusive relations if your partner:

• Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends and family.
• Tries to stop you from going to work, school, or seeing a doctor.
• Constantly needs to know where you are and what you’re doing.
• Demands passwords to personal accounts, like your phone, email, or social media.
• Exhibits intense jealousy or even accuses you of cheating.
• Completely controls your finances and how you spend your money.
• Makes decisions you should be making yourself, like what you wear or eat.
• Withholds affection to punish you.
• -Intentionally humiliates you in front of other people or calls you degrading names, such as “stupid,” “disgusting,” “worthless,” or “fat.”
• Threatens to harm you, your possessions, loved ones, pets, or your property.
• Threatens to call authorities to report you for wrongdoings or threatens to hurt themselves if they’re upset with you.
• Presents false information that make you doubt your own memories, perceptions, and ultimately sanity.
• You are living in fear, not wanting to rock the boat.

All of these are signals that your partner is attempting dominate and control you.

If you find that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, find a counselor who:

• Has experience with the relational dynamics of emotional abuse.
• Can help you heal from the abusive and false beliefs it created.
• Guide you through important decisions such as whether to stay in the relationship, end the relationship, or decide if counseling is a possibility as a couple or them as an individual.

Couples therapy can be risky and is only a good option if both people are doing their individual work and are united in preserving the relationship. Relationship counseling works from the premise that both partners of equal power and both partners are capable of taking responsibility for their own decisions and behaviors.

Other Resources:

• Community free or low-cost shelters and support groups.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233.